I have a restless heart.
Like a kite on a string,
always tugging in the wind.

There are days like today
when I forget where I am.
I fill a saucepan with water,
place it on the stove,
then can't remember why.

I'm half a world away
flying sky high
in another time and place.

The fickle wind drops
and I'm hurtling to the ground
bracing myself for impact...

I wish I could remember
how much it hurts to fall.

What makes you come alive

Dear R

You wake early again this morning and are up and at it before the birds have started singing. I can hear the click-click of the keyboard from the warmth of our bed as you prepare another case. Every day you bind your life up in court bundles and pink ribbon and carry the weight of so much broken and too many wrongs to make a convincing right. It's either late to bed or early to rise and more often than not, both. Burning the day away at both ends doesn't leave enough to live in the middle. I ask you if you're ok and you say you're tired but I know sleep won't fix this.
You didn't know this was what you wanted to do when we married. In those first years you were alive  in the freedom of following wherever a whim took you and I was the one who slept-walked through the days. Now it's you falling asleep in the shadows. I wish we could figure out a way for us both to be fully alive together right now.
You see me print out an application form for a job I don't really want and you tell me to lay it aside. I thought it might help, ease the burden somehow, but you say you would rather see me happy. That makes me cry - that you count my happiness above your own. You would keep the flame alive in me, bending low to cup your hands around it, breathing life into the embers until I'm singing gold.
You are all ash and I long to see your Phoenix rise. I have nothing to give you but words. You won't believe them but they will tell you what I see, what I've known all these years  - what it is that makes you come alive...

Lx